Chekhov's ingenious and witty quotes. The most witty aphorisms and quotes The most witty sayings

If the most voluminous part of a person is water, then without aspirations and love, he is just a walking puddle.

You need to leave in time in English, so as not to run into a phrase in Russian.

As much as creativity should be thoughtful and calm, so wit should be swift and unstoppable. – M. Montaigne

Wit doesn't need applause. Laughter is the best reward. – F. Chesterfield

Anecdotes, jokes - grow old, are frayed by many retellings and repetitions. Wit - never gets old. – G. Lichtenberg

Under the mask of wit, there is always either a genius or a deceiver. – D. Gibran

Wit is one of the most vital and useful qualities. However, it is extremely rare among educated people. More often - in simple, not burdened with seriousness. – W. Gaslitt

Wit is one of the most amazing human talents. – L. Vauvenargues

In wit, the main thing is to learn to stop in time. – A. Morois

It may seem strange, but in terms of talkativeness, men often surpass women. But men will never be able to express so many feelings with their eyes ... - K. Weber

Read the continuation of the best aphorisms and quotes on the pages:

I have long wanted to tell you that you do not have a list of friends, but a catalog of heifers ..

Stepping on a rake, enjoy the fireworks.

I'll tell you everything about you, even windows will stop welcoming

What is the difference between a school and a madhouse? - Phone number.

In fact, a difficult childhood is when you would dream of being not an astronaut or a ballerina, but an abortion

Wit is not the same as intelligence. The mind is distinguished by ingenuity, wit is distinguished only by resourcefulness.

Those who are not sharp enough in mind to laugh it off in time are often forced either to lie or to indulge in the most boring reasoning. Not a pleasant choice! Courtesy and cheerfulness usually help a decent person to avoid it. – N. Chamfort

And smart can make fools. – W. Shakespeare

In the morning, I brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue first.

Eloquence shines like a diamond with content that is laconic. – L. Tolstoy

I write to you and all that ...))

Don't stick your head in the water near the chemical plant.

Did the job - do your feet.

Wit is not the same as intelligence. The mind is distinguished by ingenuity, wit is distinguished only by resourcefulness. – K. Weber

When they are chasing wit, sometimes they catch only stupidity. – C. Montesquieu

A good disease is sclerosis: nothing hurts and every day news.

Remember me. The imprints we leave on other people's lives never fade.

I am human! I sound proud!

A sharp tongue is the only cutting weapon that becomes even sharper with constant use. – W. Irving

The queen gave birth on the night to Kolya - a son, Tole - a daughter. - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.

Hello! Is it 359-61-81? – No 359-61-82. - That don't care, next. Call Sasha!

It’s sad, not because nothing happened, but because we know what could have been…

The one who jokes with taste is witty. – Aristotle

Don't care what they say. Their chatter is not an indicator. I am a unit, not a fraction, to look for a common denominator with everyone ...

How do you like it better when I'm rough or when I'm gentle? - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.

To appear beautifully before the eyes does not mean that a trace will certainly remain in the heart.

To show wit inappropriately is very unwitty. – A. Morois

In an easy matter, anyone can shine with eloquence. – Ovid

Out of a hundred witty one is smart.

I'm fed up with wit. Everyone is smart now. You can't take a step without meeting a smart person. This is truly becoming a public calamity. What I wouldn't give for a few real fools. But they are not.

Shave your bearded jokes, please.

The most arrogant creatures on earth are men ... they always climb back from where they got out

Survive yourself - do not survive others!

The one who jokes with taste is witty.

Wit is like talent. It is better for him to give himself entirely, and not to hide furtively behind his canopy. Sommery

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.

A sharp tongue is a gift, a long tongue is a punishment. – D. Minaev

True wit is always akin to good nature. Wit loses its value when it is combined with anger. – R. Sheridan

If you are dear to him, he will be the first to say hello, and the last to say bye ... - Wit. Witty quotes and statuses.

If you want, be healthy.

What is petty in a serious form can be profound in a witty one. – G. Lichtenberg

There should be as much eloquence in speech and in the eyes and facial expression of the speaker as in his choice of words. – F. La Rochefoucauld

Wits are the salt of the conversation, but not forest. – W. Gaslitt

At a young age, wit is beyond the control of the owner. The natural gift is not yet controlled by the will and mind. – N. Chamfort

So far, no one has thought of creating a state in which only literary characters would live.

With wit, things are like with music: the more you hear it, the more subtle sounds you want. – G. Lichtenberg

Wit is an outlet for feelings of hostility that cannot be satisfied in any other way. – 3. Freud

Two lawyers - eight opinions. If there were brains, I would get a concussion.

I don't go here anymore...

Comparing subtle humor and revealing satire, it is enough to oppose the cynical killer and the noble knight. – N. Chamfort

Constantly sharp - harm yourself. Prudence is much more highly valued. There is always a measure in jokes.

The goal of eloquence is not truth, but persuasion. – T. Macaulay

Wit should be used as a shield, not as a sword, to hurt others.

A man forgives a woman everything except superiority in wit.

It's not enough to be witty. You also have to be smart enough not to be too witty. – A. Morois

Witty prickly we are with you

Can you show tricks? Disappear!

Chamomile doesn't care if he loves you or not. She wants to live.

A truly witty person is rare, and besides, it is not easy for him to maintain his reputation: people rarely respect someone who knows how to make them laugh. – J. La Bruyère

He whose mind quickly grasps new circumstances and draws correct conclusions from them, he is called a man of sharp mind. – Vidyapati

The brilliance of wit, applied without measure, is inappropriate and even immoral. – A. Losev

The greatest virtue of a speaker is not only to say what is necessary, but also not to say what is not necessary. – Cicero

There is no person so witty as to never be boring. – L. Vauvenargues

Never look for an excuse to call.

Wit is polished arrogance.

Eloquence produces a strong, but momentary effect. People who are easily aroused are just as easily calmed down. Cold and powerful persuasion produces no such uplift; but if it has seized a person, it penetrates into him, and its effect is indelible. – J.J. Rousseau

Someone else's wit quickly gets bored. – L. Vauvenargues

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Life begins where your comfort zone ends.

In the country of fools, every stupidity is worth its weight in gold.

Platonic love knows no hugs, because infinity cannot be hugged. Paolo Mantegazza

Three things never come back time, word, opportunity. Therefore: do not waste time, choose words, do not miss the opportunity. Confucius

Gratitude in women is only a tiny step away from love. Giacomo Casanova

Every change brings new opportunities.

We never know exactly what the other person is thinking and feeling: we interpret their behavior and resent our own thoughts about it.

Sooner or later, every person is faced with the concept of “finiteness”: we consciously perceive the end of something as inevitable, as part of a deal we have made with life. Frankl W.

Life is a big canvas and you have to throw all the paint you can on it. Danny Kaye

Whoever has achieved wisdom should not be interested in sciences, books, so that he is not distracted by extraneous things and opinions. Antisthenes

Women have the whole heart, even the head. Jean Paul

I will be who I am. I know that one day a person will appear for whom I will become a great joy.

My pretty, pretty, darling! You are the light in my window!

And happiness was so close

Vanity chooses, true love does not choose. I. Bunin

To resist love is to supply it with a new weapon. George Sand.

When a woman falls in love for the first time, she loves her lover;

What is unrealizable for simple eyes, we can easily understand with an inspired eye in deep ecstasy. William Shakespeare

No man who intends to do something important in this world has the time and money for such a long and expensive hunt as the hunt for a woman. George Bernard Shaw

If you want to marry a smart woman, you will be fooled; if beautiful, rich and smart, then you will remain a bachelor. Arkady Davidovich.

Many people ask themselves: Do I have enough meaning in life to withstand inevitable death? Tolstoy L.N.

Love is when separation drives you crazy, when you wait for a meeting, counting the moments, and, being close, you forget about everything ... when you start to believe that everything is possible, that life is nothing compared to the happiness that you have …

Only in Russia they call their loved ones ... Woe is mine!

For a man, unhappy love is a pretext for enjoyment without any love. Carmen Silva

For some reason, many women think that having a baby and becoming a mother are the same thing. It might as well be said that it is the same to have a piano and to be a pianist. S. Harris

Live like this is your last day, and one day it will be. And you will be fully equipped. George Carlin

Be the only one loved in love and no supporting roles!

The main reason why Santa is so funny is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin

If there is no suspicion in the relationship, this is a good family.

Love without humility cannot be strong and firm. Venerable Macarius of Optina

Jealousy is treason by suspicion of treason. V. Krotov

The stronger the love, the more defenseless it is. Duchess Diana (Marie de Bosack)

to calm the heart of a man with a glance, this is the whole strength of a girl.

They love each other very much: he - himself, she - herself. M. Genin

Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience. Mark Twain

The fickleness of the women I was in love with was redeemed only by the infernal constancy of the women in love with me. B. Show.

The woman, of course, is smarter. Have you ever heard of a woman who would lose her head just because a man has beautiful legs? Faina Ranevskaya

Life gives us initial material: but it depends only on us, which of the available possibilities? take and how to use them.

Leave muddy water alone and it will become clear and transparent.

He carried his love like a banknote - which no one wanted to exchange. G. Malkin

Everything else is unimportant ... When your favorite miracle is waiting at home and a man with whom you want to live forever!

In response to a question about the shortest but most effective prayer, the Jesuit monk answered briefly: God be with him!

They love not for something, but in spite of. A. Vasiliev

Inspiration comes only during work. Gabriel G. Marquez

Love and happiness are two dreams of any person!

Marrying is interesting only for love; to marry a girl just because she is pretty is the same as buying an unnecessary thing in the market just because she is good. A.P. Chekhov

One of Chekhov's friends recalls the following incident:
- Once we were talking about "Steppe". For some reason, I remembered at the very beginning the phrase on which I stumbled when reading the story for the first time: “She was alive until she died ...” Something like that.

It can not be! Chekhov exclaimed, and immediately took a book from the shelf and found a place: “Before her death, she was alive and carried soft bagels from the market,” Chekhov laughed. - Really, how did I not see it that way. And by the way, the current public does not eat such fruit yet. Come on!
This phrase remained in the story.

• It's not about pessimism or optimism, but about the fact that ninety-nine out of a hundred have no mind.
• If a person does not smoke and does not drink, you involuntarily wonder if he is a bastard?
• Going to Paris with your wife is like going to Tula with your own samovar.
• There are people who always say only smart and good words, but you feel that they are stupid people.
• If your wife cheated on you, then rejoice that she cheated on you, and not on the fatherland.
• The university develops all abilities, including stupidity.
• They say that in the end the truth will prevail, but it's not true.
• Only ordinary, herd people are healthy and normal.
• In order to feel happiness in yourself without interruption, even in moments of sorrow and sadness, you need to: a) be able to be content with the present and b) rejoice in the consciousness that it could be worse.
• When a splinter gets into your finger, rejoice: “It’s good that it’s not in the eye!”
• A very good man has such a physiognomy that he is mistaken for a detective; think he stole the cufflinks.
• Wonderful day today. Either go drink tea, or hang yourself.

• Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand everything.
• He who is alien to life, who is incapable of it, has no choice but to become an official.
• One pain always relieves another. Step on the tail of a cat that has a toothache and it will feel better.
• You cannot put a loaded gun on the stage if no one intends to fire it.
• Hundreds of miles of deserted, monotonous, burnt-out steppe cannot overtake such despondency as one person, when he sits, talks and it is not known when he will leave.
• If you want to have little time, do nothing.
• You need to squeeze the slave out of yourself drop by drop.
• Nobody wants to love the ordinary person in us.
• If a lot of remedies are offered against any disease, it means that the disease is incurable.
• Don't let people go crazy.

Chekhov with his wife Olga Knipper.

• “Cynic” is a Greek word, translated into your language meaning: a pig who wants the whole world to know that she is a pig.
• These wise men are all so stupid that there is no one to talk to.
• If all people agreed and suddenly became sincere, then everything would go to hell with them.
• A talented person in Russia cannot be clean.
• If your act upsets someone, then this does not mean that he is bad.
• Becoming a writer is very easy. There is no freak who would not find a mate, and there is no nonsense that would not find a suitable reader.
• It is impossible to demand from dirt that it is not dirt.
• "Know thyself" is a wonderful and useful piece of advice; it is only a pity that the ancients did not guess to indicate the way how to use this advice.
• Leaving people is suicide.
• There is nothing good on earth that does not have muck in its original source.
• ...behind the post office, the reputation of an institution that is scary to visit has long been established.
• I respond to pain with screams and tears, to meanness with indignation, and to abomination with disgust. In my opinion, this is what is called life.
• Life, in fact, is a very simple thing and a person needs to make a lot of effort to spoil it.

Preview: Portrait of A.P. Chekhov, 1898 - Braz I.E.

Garfield, did you eat 4 boxes of lasagna? Well, what should I do with you?
- Love, feed, and never leave.

When I'm stressed, I eat candy.
You eat them all the time.
- I agree, life shook.

We'll be sick if we drink so much.
- Let ... Let us feel good and sick.

Sorry I'm late. - What happened?
- Nothing, I just didn't want to come.

"The Big Bang Theory"

The worse the returnee from vacation looks, the better he rested.

The best way to take care of your feet.

The best evidence for the existence of intelligent life forms in the universe is that none of them visit the Earth.

World Mathematics Day is celebrated on the 6th of March... by no one.

"Jimmy Carr"

As soon as you find your soul mate, other halves begin to wander around and make you doubt.

Each parent always has its pros and cons, however, like any other source of nutrition.

Please be quiet!
- But I'm silent.
- You think it's annoying.

"Sherlock"

- Maybe you shouldn't worry so much because of me, you can be deprived of your rights?
"Don't worry, monsieur, I don't have a license!"

Youth only happens once. Then other excuses are required.

I always balance on the fine line between: “God saves the safe” and “The barn burned down - burn and the hut”

My cat in a past life was definitely a Bailiff ...
- Describes the property???
- Yes, not only ... Today, in the hallway, he also imposed an arrest

Okay, I'll take you. I won't take you - you're scary.

"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End"

Psychologist advice. If you get nervous, open your wallet and slowly, bill by bill, count one hundred thousand dollars. It's calming.

- How's the wedding?
— The groom fainted, the dog bit the drummer.

"Secret materials"

She held on to her job so much that she became pregnant.

English is a simple but very difficult language. It consists of some foreign words, which are also incorrectly pronounced.

The main reason for the growth of child cruelty is puzzles with two thousand pieces.

When my neighbor got married, my girlfriend wanted to move in with me, which was no doubt just a ruse to stare at my—excuse my French—bikini district.

"The Big Bang Theory"

I had to break up with a girl because of her hypocrisy. She claimed to love surprises. Until she found out I was sleeping with her sister.

"Jimmy Carr"

He came to give me two pieces of news: good and bad. Didn't have a good one

Every man should know that his wife pulls on trifles not because of her scum, but only to test his controllability.

I received an SMS from the operator: "Chat friends 3 times more!" Either my liver will fail, or they will kick me out of the house.

Night. The city falls asleep. The dieters wake up and go to the refrigerator.

What happens to a woman once a month and ends after 4-5 days? - Husband's salary.

Don't worry, no matter what your health is - it will be enough for the rest of your life!

If I get rabies, here's a list of who I'll snack on.

If you want to look young and slim, stay close to the old and fat.

For some people, a wisdom tooth is the only sign of intelligence.

There is nothing easier than quitting smoking - I have quit thirty times already.

"Mark Twain"

The weaker sex is stronger than the strong one, due to the weakness of the stronger sex to the weaker one.

If a woman saws her husband, it means that she wants to make a beautiful half out of him.

Sometimes I lie in bed and think that nothing will make me get up. And then I feel how it becomes wet under me, and I understand that I was mistaken.

"Homer Simpson"

Don't take anything personally. Except money.

To achieve anything in life, you need connections ... good neural connections!

The hydrometeorological center of Russia cannot say exactly what the coming winter will be like in the country, but it reminds that gasoline freezes at a temperature of -65-70 degrees.

Homer, why aren't you at work?
- The boss said that if I was late again, they would fire me ... I don’t want to take risks. uh

"The Simpsons"

I'm not really a religious person, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

"The Simpsons"

Yandex-Maps, Yandex-Money, Yandex-Two trunks.

He courted her for a whole week, and then he was turned off the Internet.

If a woman is wrong, come and apologize!

Yes, this cookie seems to be mocking you! Peanut Cookie wouldn't be so cheeky.

"The Big Bang Theory"

New perforated toilet paper is out! Toilet paper with holes - Everything is in your hands!

Yesterday I felt all the greatness of the heritage of the USSR. Repaired an Italian washing machine using tools and parts from a Soviet children's designer.

Guess what it is, two thumbs up and don't give a shit? It's Bob Kelso! Have a good day.

"Clinic"

Getting old is unpleasant, but it is the only way to live long.

I'll tell you one story. It's called The Ugly Clam. Once upon a time there lived an ugly mollusk. He was so ugly that everyone died. End.

"Sponge Bob Square Pants"

I had a psychic girlfriend. But she left before we met.

The theme of this issue The most witty aphorisms and quotes, opens this collection - Laughter is the gaiety of the mind, a smile is the gaiety of the heart. Edmond Goncourt

A smart man won't tell, a fool won't guess

A gentle answer averts anger, but an insulting word stirs up wrath. Solomon

It's always like this: if you say well - you will jinx it, if you say badly - you will croak!

A lot of land is searched by gold prospectors and they find little. Heraclitus of Ephesus

How sweet it is when a clear-cut kid in Adidas with the words: “Sit down, blasphemy” gives way to his grandmother on the bus ...

You can't start life over, but you can continue it in a different way.

Do not follow immoderate desires, but do not suppress all desires. Ancient India, unknown author

Money didn't make a fool of anyone; they only make fools out. Frank Hubbard

Such a friendship, which does not withstand the touch of naked truth, is not worth regretting. That's where she belongs. Dmitry Ivanovich Pisarev

For an honest husband, the wife herself becomes honest. Sax Hans

One magician told me in secret that you can turn Thursday into Friday just by buying a bottle of vodka in the supermarket.

Literacy is precious to us only as a road to development. Dmitry Ivanovich Pisarev

If you want to know the shortcomings of a girl, praise her in front of her friends. Franklin b.

Big promises reduce trust. Quintus Horace Flaccus

Give a woman a pair of good shoes and she will conquer the world!

Clever thoughts come only when all the stupid things have already been done and redone a hundred times.

Love can only be mutual. If feelings are only on one side, it is a disease.

What about your theory that everyone lies? - I lied. Conjugal love propagates the human race, friendly love perfects it. F. BaconWhere man has shed the sweat of zeal, man will reap the fruits of immortality. Babur 3.

- Girls, give me a lighter. - We don't smoke. "And you don't drink?" - We don't drink. - Well, you give! - And we don't!

Friends are known in trouble... or when you need bank guarantors...

In order to work normally now, you need one thing, quickly click the cross in the upper right corner now ...

A private life that knows nothing beyond the threshold of its home, no matter how it settles down, is poor. Herzen A. I.

The brain of guys (girls) is a very strange thing - it seems to reach, but it seems not)

If you don’t let a person object for a long time, he will forget all his arguments and ram silently.

Such is the fate of a friend: to rejoice when another ends an unmarried life, even if it promises you loneliness.

There is such a good saying - trust, but verify. After that, you usually immediately remember another one: The less you know, you sleep better.

In our world ... thinking, it turns out, is harmful.

Well, I just can’t get used to the fact that when the boss asks me “how are you?”, he means him, but not me ...

The measure of love is love without measure.

Patience is the art of hoping. Vauvenarg

Nothing confuses a woman more than asking her to briefly describe herself.

If you want to keep a person from doing something, make him talk about it: the more people talk, the less they have the inclination to do. Carlyle

We do not notice happiness especially successfully just then ... when it walks very close to us ...

A sure way to judge a man's character and mind is by his choice of books and friends. Helvetius K.

You know him? I know him so well that I haven't spoken to him in ten years.

Beauty for women becomes a problem only in two cases: when there is none, and when there is nothing but beauty. Monica Bellucci

Whether the work is great or small, it must be done. Aesop

As far as a person conquers fear, so much he is a person. Carlyle T.

The work we do willingly heals pain. William Shakespeare

Love is a joyful acceptance and blessing of all living and existing things, that openness of souls, which opens its arms to every manifestation of being as such, feels its divine meaning. Semyon Frank

With fear, a person is ready to do anything. Racine Jean

Betrayal, although very cautious at first, in the end betrays itself. Titus Livy

If you replace the word "problems" with the word "adventure" then life becomes much more interesting.

The most effective herbal treatment in childhood is nettles in the ass.

You either come into my life or get out of it. But please don't stand on the threshold - it's cold.

Blessed are those who suppress their anger and forgive people. As-Samarkandi

Do you love life? Then don't waste your time; for time is the fabric of which life is made. Benjamin Franklin

In married life, a united couple should form, as it were, a single moral personality. Kant I.

rhinoceros on a swing

Knowledge is power, power is knowledge. Francis Bacon

If you fail, start over.

Newborns cry the same everywhere. When they grow up, they have different habits. This is the result of education. Xun Tzu.

Friends do not wish us unhappiness, but they find that we are already happy. Aui Legendre

Can peace and love coexist in one heart? Pierre-Augustin Beaumarchais

And the last saying in this collection The most witty aphorisms and quotes - Single life - hell, married - the plague. Robert Burton