The first step to adulthood: how to teach your child to fall asleep on his own in a separate crib. How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own without tears and motion sickness

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Tracy Hogg's method on how to teach a child to fall asleep on his own at 3, 4, 5, 6, 9 months without crying and rocking in his crib ( personal experience and advice).

If you started the technique, be persistent (first of all with yourself), because otherwise it will turn out that your child experienced discomfort all this time in vain, and you, in fact, mocked him. Realistically assess your desires and capabilities. When I decided that Maxim and I would now sleep separately, I realized that he was ready, but I was not...

How did we get to this point?

Estville's method of "controlled crying"

I think this method is known to almost all parents; most likely, one of your relatives or friends told you about it. What it consists of: you put the child in the crib and leave the room, waiting until he “screams” and falls asleep on his own. In theory, you should ignore the cry, which will last for about an hour, and not enter the room; naturally, the child should be well-fed, healthy, in a clean diaper, etc. Three nights are enough, provided that you didn’t break down and start consoling the baby.
I am categorically against this method, I will explain why.

• Even absolutely healthy child may scream at himself about vomiting or fever.
• I can’t imagine how you can endure the wild scream of your baby for more than 5 minutes, except with headphones.
• Crying is the only way for the child to express their needs, fears and emotions. If he can't speak yet, you can't say for sure that everything is 100% okay with him.
• Small child he doesn’t understand where and why his mother went, if now, when he needs her so much, she’s not there, which means she might not come back at all.

Another thing is when the child is already accustomed to sleeping in his crib and can be a little capricious before bed, when the nature of the crying is subsiding, not turning into a scream, the baby seems to lull himself to sleep with it, you can leave him alone.

PU/PD method (Pick up/Place in crib) Tracey Hogg

I read about this method in the book “Secrets of a Sleepy Mom” by Tracy Hogg.
Philosophy:

• We perform all the rituals before bedtime (bathing, feeding, fairy tales, quiet music, lullabies, etc.), calmly tell the child that it's time to relax, recuperate and sleep (explain your actions no matter how old the child is, a month or a year old), we kiss him and put him in the crib.
• If the child begins to whine (whine, whimper, moan, howl), we put our hand on him and rhythmically shush him, stroke his back, pat him, rock him, lightly “press down” the especially active ones (just one!), avoiding visual contact.
• As soon as it begins to calm down, we remove the sound of shhhhh, patting, leave the hand (that is, we calmed it down a little and give the child the opportunity to further calm down on his own), after a few seconds we remove the hand. The most important thing is to teach the child to calm down on his own and fall asleep, and not rock him to sleep with his hand or a lullaby, this is the same as being held in your arms.
• If he cries a lot (loudly with tears, sobs, is hysterical, squirms) - we take him in our arms, console him, and immediately after he has calmed down, put him back in the crib.
• If your baby already has a lot of dependencies at the time of training (he fell asleep only with his mother, fell asleep on his chest, in his arms), you may have to pick him up and put him back 20 or 100 times and this procedure will take an hour or two, be prepared for this ready. After three such days, the result will be very noticeable, believe me. We put her to sleep in the same way during the day.

How not to abandon the method

• Think over a plan, discuss it with all members of your family, it can be stressful and it is better if you have a partner to help you or at least support you.
• Start on Friday so that you have the weekend ahead and have the opportunity to rest during the day.
• If you want to give up everything and breastfeed or pump again, think that your and your child’s nerves were wasted, you simply mocked him and yourself.
• Remember that you will give your child a real gift by teaching him to fall asleep without help!

What are our successes?

Using Tracy Hogg's method, she taught Maxim to fall asleep on his own in his crib and without tears, but with my presence in the room. Now I’m learning to sleep on my own without Maxim, it’s turning out to be very difficult! There was even such a thing that I couldn’t fall asleep all night without him, and he snored contentedly in his crib. Last week we went through another growth spurt, when it was impossible to put him down using any method, he woke up 10 times a night... and this happens. It’s just that now I know that he is perfectly able to fall asleep and sleep on his own, if he doesn’t do this, then something is bothering him and I should forget about the rules for a while.

02/22/2017 new! Maxim is now 1 year and 7 months old. I'm grateful for Tracy Hogg's method of teaching him to sleep in his own crib. How things are now: we go to bed at night after all the rituals, clearly saying that now is bedtime. I put Max in his crib, which is next to my bed, he lies down and closes his eyes. I lie down next to him (I don’t go anywhere!) on my bed, sing him a couple of songs according to his mood, stroke his head or back and he falls asleep, and I go to work. For him and me it's perfect option, I adore the moments when before bed we exchange tenderness and after my lullabies he falls asleep sweetly. There are times when I don’t feel like singing anything or Maxim starts acting up, then I just lie quietly next to him with my eyes closed.

Tenderness before bed for me is an opportunity to charge my son with my love and set him up for a restful sleep; during the day this bully is generally difficult to catch. Techniques with leaving the room were postponed until 3 years.

KARITANE TECHNIQUE after 4 months

2. 5-10 minutes of quiet exercise.

3. Place your baby in bed in a preferred position.

4. Stroke briefly (pat, lightly rock with one hand - choose one for yourself) and, humming a lullaby or the sound “shhh-shh-shhh”, leave the room.

5. If the child bursts into tears when you leave, let him cry for 1-3 minutes.

6. Return to the room and soothe the child (patting, rocking the bed, singing a lullaby) for 3 minutes.

7. Leave the room again for 3 minutes. If you think this is too long, increase the time outside the room from 1 to 3 minutes.

For some babies, a quiet monotonous sound in the room helps them not to wake up - this could be a humidifier, a radio playing quietly, lullabies, or any calm and relaxing music.

8. Repeat step 6.

9. Repeat point 7. Depending on the age of the child and how you and your partner feel while the child is crying, the time you are absent gradually increases by 1 minute.

Aged 7-9 months - 7 minutes.

Steps 4-9 can be continued for no longer than 45 minutes. If your baby has not calmed down and/or fallen asleep after 45 minutes, go for a walk with him and give him soft massage or a relaxing bath. This should take no more than 30 minutes. Then repeat all the steps from the beginning.

Listen to the nature of your baby's crying and decide according to the situation - how soon to enter the room and repeat step 6. If the baby is crying so much that you cannot calm him down, pick him up and comfort him in the usual way (except for feeding). Try not to let your baby fall asleep in your arms; As soon as the baby calms down, put him back in the crib and repeat the whole procedure from the beginning.

How to teach your baby to fall asleep on his own and maintain breastfeeding?

How to teach your baby to fall asleep on his own without the breast? Moms often turn to sleep consultants with this question. Is this real? At what age?

In babies older than six months, most often between the ages of 9 and 15 months, sleep may worsen. The child wakes up to 10 times a night and literally demands the breast, although he is not hungry. A mother tired of night feedings reads on the Internet that stopping breastfeeding will solve all sleep problems. Is it really? On FAQ the head of the Center answers about sleep and breastfeeding baby sleep and development of BabySleep, mother of three children Elena Muradova.

Question No. 1. Why does the baby demand the breast so often at night?

While your baby is not eating solid food, he needs frequent feedings, including at night. Babies are attached to the breast to satisfy their natural needs for satiation, sucking and emotional contact with their mother, and reassurance. After 6–8 months, more often relevant following reasons: children often ask for the breast at night during so-called crisis periods of developmental leaps, teething or other discomfort (something hurts, hot/cold, wants to go to the toilet, etc.).

If the baby is healthy, not hungry, nothing bothers him, but he still wakes up every 40-90 minutes at night, then most likely the baby associates sleep with feeding. For him, going to sleep = eating. And since sleep in its structure consists of cycles with moments of brief awakening between these cycles, the child constantly asks for the breast in order to fall asleep further. Irritation from sleepless nights so great that many mothers decide to suddenly remove the source of all troubles - breast-feeding.

But the problem is not the natural feeding, but in the inability to separate sleep and feeding. By the way, often at the moment of completion of breastfeeding, parents begin to rock them to sleep or offer a bottle to fall asleep, but this does not solve the problem of frequent night awakenings: one association with sleep is changed to another.

Question No. 2. Is it possible to continue breastfeeding and still learn to fall asleep on your own?

Teaching your baby to fall asleep on his own does not mean stopping breastfeeding. When lactation is established and the baby is gaining weight according to his age, you can teach the baby to fall asleep on his own, continuing to breastfeed as long as the mother wants. How to do it? Separate the feeding process and the moment of falling asleep. That is, the mother feeds as usual during the day and before going to bed, communicates with the baby and saturates her with attention, and then the well-fed and satisfied baby falls asleep without the breast.

How to separate food and sleep?

• You can breastfeed 15–30 minutes before falling asleep. But feeding in the morning (5–8 am) is important to maintain if you plan to continue breastfeeding.
• Spend as much time as possible with your baby during the day and especially in the evening. Physical contact and closeness are very calming for a child. A lot of attention during the day - sleep more peacefully at night.
• During the day in cases not severe stress offer not the breast to calm, but show other methods - pity, hug, pick up, stroke, lie on the bed together.
• In many families, especially with several children, you can try to change who is doing the bed, if possible. For example, a mother breastfeeds the baby, and then dad or grandmother sings a song, reads a fairy tale, and helps the baby fall asleep. The chances of success are higher if you have a clear routine and ritual before bed.
• You can use a gentle technique for teaching yourself to fall asleep on your own. The mother feeds the baby before bed, and then offers to listen to a fairy tale or a lullaby, gives a massage - you need to find something that the child likes and calms him down. It is important not to feed and entertain at the same time. If the baby asks for the breast again, stop, feed him, and then continue again without the breast. After a while, the baby may sometimes begin to fall asleep without the breast. And when you manage to consistently feed him a little at a time and then calm him down in another way, you can “forget” to give the breast and immediately move on to a lullaby or stroking his back.

Nice bonus: Once children get used to falling asleep without the breast, they will almost immediately ask for the breast less often at night “out of habit.” There will remain age-related feedings (when the baby is hungry) and feedings for psychological support(fear, pain, etc.).

Question No. 3. At what age can you teach your baby to fall asleep without the breast?

There is no single answer to this question that would suit all families without exception. All children are different, the environment and living conditions of each family are significantly different. Some babies fall asleep from birth and sleep only on the chest for several years, and parents do not see this as a problem. Ideal for some families PASS-mode from Tracy Hogg’s book “What Does Your Baby Want?”, where P- this is nutrition, A– activity, WITH- a dream, and the second WITH means Freedom (for elders and the whole family, time for mother to take care of herself). As we see, in this case, the child is always fed immediately after sleep, and put to bed at the moment of decline in activity after a short period of time that the baby is able to stay awake according to his age.

And it happens that for many mothers, the much-desired breastfeeding turns into sleeping with only the breast in the mouth and becomes a real test or even a confrontation. In this case, with established lactation, the processes of falling asleep and feeding can be separated. At what age?

If your baby suddenly falls asleep without breastfeeding before he is six months old, try to consolidate this initiative. It would be great if he could fall asleep in different ways. After 6 months (or earlier if the baby is gaining weight well and there are no problems with lactation), it is recommended to practice different ways bedtime, especially if mom is getting ready to go to work.

From 10 months, when the baby has overcome the next developmental leap and is able to track simple sequences of actions, you can systematically work on separating food and sleep. Especially considering the fact that it is during this period that many infants stop calming down and falling asleep on the chest: they prefer practicing physical skills (crawling, standing up against a support, etc.) to sleep.

Thus, theoretically, it is possible to separate the processes of eating and sleeping at almost any age, but in practice it is important to take into account individual characteristics baby and mother. If for some reason you need to dramatically change your child's sleep habits and help your baby learn to fall asleep on his own, it's best to do this with the help of an experienced sleep consultant to move quickly, act consistently, and reduce your baby's protest.

Elena Muradova
sleep consultant
Head of the Center for Children's Sleep and Development "BabySleep"

Article prepared for deti.mail.ru

Dear parents! Due to the heavy workload of the BabySleep Center staff, you can ask questions in the comments to articles on weekdays (registration on the website is required). On weekends and holidays The ability to comment is limited. Hope for your understanding.

For many parents, this topic is a burning one. Indeed, every evening we put children to sleep: we read fairy tales, sing lullabies, persuade, lull... All this can go on for quite a long time. Sometimes the process of falling asleep takes more than an hour. All the songs are sung, fairy tales replace one another, and the baby keeps spinning and spinning. Is it possible to teach a child to fall asleep on his own? And if so, how to do it?

It is quite possible to bring this idea to life. You will need some knowledge, patience, consistency in your actions and confidence that everything will work out. And of course – an individual approach. All children are different and there cannot be a single algorithm of actions. There is only a certain scheme, which will vary to some extent in each specific case. Usually, the mother has the best sense of what her baby is ready for and what needs to be delayed. Therefore, you should rely more on your maternal intuition.

Individuality begins to manifest itself almost from birth. Some children begin to fall asleep on their own infancy, mostly these are calm, slow kids. Active and emotional babies often cannot fall asleep on their own and require someone’s presence at this moment, often their mother’s. This is due to the fact that nervous system the child is still imperfect, the processes of excitation and inhibition are not balanced. Probably, many parents notice that a child who is playing up cannot stop (even when he no longer wants to run and jump) and begins to be capricious. This happens because the nervous system is “overloaded” with the information received. And by the evening, as a rule, the number of impressions accumulates, so it is difficult for the child to calm down on his own; this requires outside intervention.

Babies often like to fall asleep (and sometimes sleep) around mother's breast. They still have a largely sucking reflex, the need to feel their mother’s warmth. They feel safe next to her and they really need this feeling for now. Therefore if baby categorically does not want to fall asleep on his own, do not insist. It’s hardly possible to explain anything to him now, so be patient until he grows up a little. Older children can be gradually brought to the point where they need to fall asleep on their own. At what age it is best to start is difficult to determine exactly. One child at just over a year old will learn without problems, while another at two and a half years old will demand the presence of his mother. So this should be approached selectively.

The best place to start is with preparation. As already mentioned, by the evening the volume of information received is such that it is difficult for the child to cope with it. Therefore, as a rule, moodiness intensifies in the evening. An hour and a half before bedtime, switch your baby to quiet games. It’s better if toys, stories and books are familiar to him - there are enough new impressions for today. Save for this purpose a book that you have already read more than once, but have not used for several days (or an already familiar game or toy). During this time, you can periodically leave the child alone in the room, while at the same time making sure that he does not become nervous, anxious, or play out too much. Tinkle with your baby near his bed before bed. Among other calm subjects, we can suggest the following: putting dolls to sleep, putting cars in the garage, putting cubes in a box, or something else with a “sleepy” theme. It may not work out at first, since at this time the child will want to play football or learn a new dance. In this case, be patient, remain calm and believe in success, because children are just learning everything. But this process is not always easy, and it is the adult who plays the leading role in it. Your attitude is passed on to your child, so it is very important not to lose optimism.

But now it's time to go to bed. All the toys are folded, evening exercise is over and the baby is already in bed. All that remains is to sing a lullaby and wish Good night, kiss the child and leave him to fall asleep alone. Here it is important to introduce and subsequently observe a certain “falling asleep ritual” - a set of actions that will mean that the day is over and it’s time to rest. You can first lie down next to the baby, tell him how wonderful he is, how much you love him, how proud you are of him, what a treasure he is... It is better to avoid direct eye-to-eye gaze - it helps to establish emotional contact. And this does not help you fall asleep at all. So place your baby facing away from you. It is better to give preference to a simple lullaby rather than a fairy tale: an interesting plot includes fantasy and here too there is no time for sleep. If the child really insists, you can tell your favorite fairy tale, it is better if it is simple and short. Teach your baby that it is time for him to fall asleep on his own, since he is already big, that you are always nearby and therefore there is nothing to be afraid of. It is very possible that your child will call you very soon - come back, calm him down, kiss him and leave him alone again. At first, several such “approaches” will be needed, but over time the child will begin to fall asleep on his own very quickly. It is important that he does not cry for a long time without you - be close, literally “within a squeak distance”. If your child has a favorite toy, offer to fall asleep with it.

It is much more convenient for the mother and more interesting for the baby to go to bed not in the crib where he has slept since birth, but, for example, on his own sofa. There are examples when difficulties with falling asleep disappeared when the child had his own sofa: he became interested, he was “like an adult.” This will be relevant for older children - at 2-3 years old, when the child can already appreciate such “involvement” in the world of adults.

If the mother is mainly with the baby, then you can entrust the father (or another family member whom the child sees not so often) to put him to bed. As a rule, children are much less capricious with their dads and behave calmer. Persuasion and suggestions that it’s time to fall asleep on your own from dad’s lips are more likely to have an effect. After all, you can “influence” mom with tears and screaming, but with dad this trick generally doesn’t work. The technique remains the same, although if dad suggests some reasonable innovation, it’s worth listening.

A good helper In teaching a child to fall asleep independently, the daily routine serves. Children who are used to going to bed at the same time, as a rule, behave calmer in life and, therefore, will be able to fall asleep more easily and quickly on their own. If your child doesn’t have a routine, it’s worth developing one. This will make it easier for both you and him. Here almost everything depends on parental self-discipline. Of course, it will take a lot of patience, perseverance and consistency, but the result in the end will please you.

As a rule, children who fall asleep on their own fall asleep quite quickly. 5-10 minutes and the baby is already asleep. This is good not only for parents, but also for the child himself. Don't forget that all children are different. And if the baby resists your actions, does not want to fall asleep without his mother, cries and insists on her presence, there is no need to persist. Put this idea aside for a while. The child grows quickly, matures, and gets smarter. Perhaps in a few weeks everything will work out much faster and easier. Just try your attempts again after a while.

Why does even a very tired baby who falls asleep in your arms begin to cry when he suddenly finds himself alone in the crib? And why does an older child rarely go to bed on his own and sometimes fall asleep right during play, one might say, against his will?

Every little one craves most of all the closeness of his parents. Finding himself alone in bed means for him to part with his parents, to no longer feel their soothing closeness and familiar warmth. Of course, it is a rare child who will agree to this without protest, especially if he is spoiled by parental attention during the day and “can’t get away with it.”

Often, the baby falls asleep while breastfeeding or in the arms of the mother. Having noticed once that as soon as he falls asleep, his mother tries to carefully move him into a crib, the baby will next time struggle to resist sleep so as not to miss this moment. Having fallen asleep, he will sleep very lightly. When he feels you transfer him to his crib, he will immediately wake up and express his disagreement with a loud cry. Try to fall asleep yourself if you know, for example, that as soon as you close your eyes, someone will steal the blanket from you...

Maybe the baby happened to wake up in the crib at night wet, cold, hungry or scared bad dream. He felt lonely and forgotten, and he had to wait longer for his mother to come than he usually did during the day. After such an experience, the baby may experience a subconscious fear of sleep and protest when he finds himself alone in his crib.

Very often the baby we are trying to put to sleep is simply not tired enough yet.

For an older child, going to bed means parting with some interesting activity, finish the game, say goodbye to the guests sitting in the next room, etc.

Knowing that parents or older brothers and sisters are not yet going to bed, the baby does not want to agree with such “injustice.”
Some children are afraid of the dark.

Sometimes children don't want to go to bed simply because we spoiled them. The child uses the evening persuasion of his parents to stall for time, or they serve as a reason for self-affirmation.

So, five-year-old Verochka came up with a new reason every evening not to go to bed. Either she was thirsty, then she couldn’t find her favorite toy, or the pillow slipped to one side. Other days she called her mother because she forgot to kiss her goodnight or ask her about something important. Sometimes Verochka's pajamas slipped, sometimes she was too hot or cold. From time to time she heard strange sounds in the room or saw shadows moving along the wall. On some days, she wanted to go to the toilet several times in a row, or her empty stomach did not allow the girl to sleep. Verochka either itched or ached... But in fact, the girl simply enjoyed the attention of her mother, who returned to her daughter’s room several times every evening and calmed her down.

If many children are afraid of the dark, then Sashenka was afraid of silence. The parents did not know this for a long time and tried unsuccessfully to teach the boy to fall asleep alone in his room for a long time. closed door. One day, as usual, closing the door to his room, my mother went into the kitchen. To her surprise, this time she did not hear the usual screams and protests. Thinking that the baby had finally learned to fall asleep alone, the mother began to homework- washed the dishes, put them away, boiled tea, etc. When she finished her chores and went to see if her son was really sleeping, she found that the door to the children's room was wide open and the boy was sleeping serenely in his bed. Sasha learned to get out of the crib and opened the door on his own! And the clatter of dishes, the splash of water and the noise of a boiling kettle meant to him that his mother was nearby and, therefore, he could sleep peacefully...

Sometimes it may turn out that helping your baby fall asleep is easier than you thought. So, a night light or opened door to the children's room, and older children fall asleep more willingly if they are allowed to go to bed an hour later.

How to teach your baby to fall asleep on his own from the very beginning

Teach your child to fall asleep without parental help and without any aids possible at any age. But babies aged from 1.5 to 3 months get used to it most easily. Therefore, it is better to start training gradually from birth, while the child is not yet accustomed to various kinds unfavorable rituals, from which it is not so easy to wean him later. If such habits have already developed, parents will need a little more patience, because the baby is unlikely to give them up voluntarily. But even in this case, the problem is completely solvable, and its solution will most likely take no more than a week!

1. To teach you to fall asleep on your own infant, you need to put him alone in the crib as often as possible from the very beginning, nevertheless remaining close to him.
2. If you carry your baby in your arms all day or rock him in a stroller during the day, then when he finds himself alone in a stationary crib, he will feel insecure. This sensation will be unusual for the baby, and he is unlikely to be able to sleep peacefully. A baby who is accustomed to a crib feels calm there, and in a familiar environment, any child falls asleep better. Putting a baby alone in a crib does not mean leaving him there for a long time, especially if he cries.
3. No, of course, a crying child needs to be calmed down. But once he stops crying, don't carry him in your arms. Put him back where he can see you or hear your voice. Talk to him, sing to him, but leave him in the crib so that he gradually gets used to it. Among other things, the child will learn to deal with himself in this way: look at his hands or play with them, look around, listen to the sounds around him, etc. Well, you yourself will have time to do more things that you wouldn’t have time to do if the baby was in your arms all the time. If the baby falls asleep only on your chest at first, it’s okay. No need to wake him up. For starters, it will be enough if he gets used to his crib while he is awake. When will he have a regime with sleep, you need to gradually begin to separate food and sleep. For babies who like to sleep on the breast or with a bottle, it is better to feed them when they wake up or at least some time before bedtime. And by the time the baby usually falls asleep, you need to put him alone in the crib. By this time, he is already tired and his “internal clock” has switched to sleep, so it will be easier for him to fall asleep without your help.
4. At first, it is not necessary to put your child alone in the crib before bed every time. You can start with once or twice a day, at the same time when your baby, in your experience, falls asleep most easily. For most children this is the evening, but there are children who fall asleep faster in the morning or afternoon. The main thing is for you and the baby to feel that falling asleep on your own is, in principle, possible. Then it will become a habit - it's only a matter of time.
5. What should you do if you put your baby in the crib before going to bed and he starts crying bitterly? Try to calm him down first without picking him up. Pet him, sing a song, talk to him, tell him how much you love him. Explain that it’s time to sleep in order to gain new strength, that you are nearby and will protect the baby while he sleeps. If the baby is still crying, pick him up. But once he calms down, put him back in his crib. She cries again - try to calm her down again without picking her up, and only then, if all is in vain, take the baby out of the crib. Maybe he is still too young and it’s worth waiting a couple of weeks and then carefully starting to teach him to fall asleep on his own again.
6. A pacifier helps some children fall asleep. But as soon as the baby is sound asleep, carefully remove the pacifier from his mouth, otherwise he will wake up when he loses it in his sleep. And if a baby wakes up at night, looks for a pacifier and cries, then it can become effective help only when he learns to find it himself.
7. Babies sleep better in the first months of life if they rest top part head into a rolled-up diaper, pillow or blanket-protected crib headboard.
8. It reminds them of the feeling in the womb. (My daughter loved this feeling even when she was older. I always covered the top headboard of the bed with a blanket, and my daughter lay on the very top of the pillow so that her head rested against the headboard.) You can also swaddle your baby tighter before bed, which will also remind him of the tightness before birth.
9. Mother's smell generally has a calming effect on babies, and you can just put something from mom’s (worn) clothes next to the baby’s head.
10. But do not forget that the main condition for a child to fall asleep on his own is the correct bedtime.

The baby must really be tired, otherwise attempts to put him to sleep will not be successful. This will be easiest for you if you have already established a strict daily routine. In this case, you know in advance when the child’s “internal clock” switches to sleep. If not, then you will have to rely on your intuition and experience. A tired baby begins to yawn, rub his eyes, or become capricious for no reason. Try to guess the best moment, when his eyes are already closing on their own, to put him alone in the crib.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own, and why? A child of any age learns a lot every minute. You can always rock him to sleep, give him a pacifier, let him fall asleep at your breast, lie with him until he falls asleep. This is how we show our love and care, attention, warmth and affection to the baby.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own, and why? A child of any age learns a lot every minute. You can always rock him to sleep, give him a pacifier, let him fall asleep at your breast, lie with him until he falls asleep. This is how we show our love and care, attention, warmth and affection to the baby.

However, there comes a time in every mother’s life when the old tricks stop working.

The child does not get rocked, wakes up as soon as he is put in the crib, sleeps only next to his mother, who still has so much to do! And then there are the frequent awakenings at night that prevent you from getting enough sleep even at night. Such moments really test our strength, and not only mom, but also dad, who does not receive the attention and affection he needs, rest before the working day, older children, random victims of our lack of sleep in the form of a saleswoman in a store or a careless passerby. The scale of the disaster cannot be underestimated.

How to put the baby to bed, and even so that he sleeps longer? Often, there is only one reason for difficult and lengthy bedtimes - the child’s inability to fall asleep on his own. He constantly relies on the help of his mother (rocking, feeding) or a third object (pacifier, swing, car), and when this “helper” disappears, the child wakes up, demanding the continuation of the soothing regime. So, yes, your child's trouble sleeping is your fault, but the good news is that it also confirms that you! For a very long time it was not a burden for you to rock, sing, get up and put your baby to bed. You were ready to give her your love and affection on demand, and sometimes out of an overabundance of feelings for her.

But time is running, and you most likely already understand that it’s time to believe in her (his) ability to learn this important matter- fall asleep on your own. Babies grow and by 5-6 months (and some already immediately after four) are neurologically ready to master this technique. What can we say about older children - a year, a year and a half, two.

The fact is that children, like adults, go through several sleep cycles - fast followed by slow sleep. Newborns spend most of their time in deep (slow) sleep, which is why it is so difficult to wake them up, even for feeding. But when a child turns 4 months old, his body adjusts to an “adult” sleep pattern. Now the baby sleeps in cycles: REM sleep- slow (deep) sleep. Full cycle in infants it lasts about 40-50 minutes, and during the transition to a new cycle they may wake up for a few seconds (adults also sleep like this, but we immediately fall asleep and therefore do not remember this) and... fail to put themselves to sleep again. This is where short daytime sleep periods of 40-50 minutes, or night waking up every hour, appear.

It should be noted separately that the most deep dream occurs in babies in the first half of the night (some can happily sleep for 3-5 hours from the moment they go to bed), but then an endless series of awakenings - rocking - the return of the pacifier, etc. begins.

The main obstacle to mastering the skill falling asleep independently there becomes the presence of a “crutch” or association that “helps” the baby fall asleep. It could be anything: a pacifier, rocking, singing, the need for mom to lie next to her, a bottle. I know a family who put their child in the car and drove him around until he fell asleep, repeating this trick several times every day! In other words, a “crutch” is any factor or object that a child cannot influence independently.

For example, if your one year old baby falls asleep perfectly with a pacifier and at the same time is able to find it and insert it into his mouth if it falls out in the middle of the night - this is not a crutch and there is no need to struggle with the pacifier for sleep purposes. My son at 5 months also fell asleep perfectly with a pacifier in his mouth, but as soon as it fell out he woke up and cried, because... I couldn’t force it back into place myself, I had to do it for him, this cycle could be repeated up to 18 times a night - for him the pacifier became a “crutch”. The same child can have several such crutches: he can be rocked to sleep, fed until he falls asleep, and given a pacifier at the same time. Can you imagine how difficult it is for such a baby to fall asleep on his own when they did it for him using three different instruments!

Let me give you another example: waking up briefly between sleep cycles, the child checks whether everything around is the same as it was when falling asleep. The instinct of self-preservation wants to make sure that he is warm, his mother is nearby, he is lying in the same place where he fell asleep, and not in a bear’s den, where he was dragged to be eaten. If something has changed, you urgently need to call for help!

Now remember: you rock your little miracle, he falls asleep in your arms, you put him in his crib and after a short period of time you run to the call and repeat everything again. Sound familiar? But wouldn't you be alarmed by the fact that, having fallen asleep on the sofa, you woke up in bed, or even at your neighbor's? Well, kids don't like it either. On the other hand, if the baby himself fell asleep in his crib, he will know for sure that he should be there and will be able to calmly continue sleeping even after a short awakening.

Another (and perhaps stronger) obstacle is often the parents’ disbelief that the baby is ready to fall asleep on his own. We see that our children are born so helpless, we know that they need to be taught everything, and we share this knowledge in accordance with their age and capabilities to learn new things (or our awareness of these capabilities). And mothers often hear something like “well, he’s still so small!”, “what did you want, all children wake up often”, “this is normal, mine began to sleep all night by the age of 2.5 years! " And this makes us feel guilty for wanting too much; convinces us that one year old child none of them existing people doesn't sleep all night; strengthens us in the idea that a mother’s role is to endure and not sleep at night. This is not true at all!

My personal experience, reviews from satisfied families and opinions of pediatricians, psychologists and neurologists worldwide indicate that in most cases, teach 6 one month old baby waking up twice a night (in the worst case scenario) to eat, and by 10-12 months reducing these awakenings to zero is not at all difficult (with the right approach) and not traumatic for either the mother or the child. Many children themselves “show” that they no longer want to be put to sleep.

At a certain point, you may notice that the rocking technique takes more and more time, or even does not work at all, that the baby arches his back, as if trying to escape from his mother’s hands during rocking, resists the nipple - these are sure signs that the baby It's time to learn to fall asleep on your own. And even if you don’t see active resistance to your current bedtime technique, but your baby sleeps poorly/little and is older than 4-5 months, you can safely begin to develop the skill of falling asleep independently.

The last issue I want to cover in this article is the issue of crying while “training” to fall asleep on your own.

Many mothers simply cannot see the baby’s tears and suffering, and therefore cannot consistently follow the steps of programs that allow (and sometimes directly recommend) the baby’s crying. The good news is that there are programs that teach you to fall asleep with a minimum of tears. Our program is tailored specifically to your specific case! Each family should choose a program based on the character types of the mother and child, the time they have to develop the skill of falling asleep (with some children, methods that use crying can achieve results faster), and the goals they want to achieve.

Of course, if you rocked your baby for a long time, sang songs to him to make him fall asleep, then at a minimum, he may protest against the changed ritual. This is another reason why it is better to seek help in mastering the skill of falling asleep sooner rather than later. But for older children, you can choose an approach that minimizes stress and brings results. It is important to understand that any program must be adapted to the child’s character, his age, and the family situation. An emotional baby, fearful, very attached to his mother, or one who has a strong desire to achieve his own will require more patience and perseverance from the mother than a flexible, easily adaptable child. Therefore, the mother must also evaluate her patience and degree of consistency, and the consultant’s task is to support her and help her form correct expectations about the process, timing and outcome of the program. It's like in one catchphrase- everything is possible, the impossible (or what seems so to you) just takes more time!

I will be glad to answer your questions in the comments!

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